How Not to Title your Dissertation

So I just had to look up my official dissertation title on my grad school's website and....well, here's a little piece of advice I would give to my past self. (The 'do' example comes from the excellent Johann Frick)

DO

"'Making People Happy, Not Making Happy People': A Defense of the Asymmetry Intuition in Population Ethics"  <-- conveys the core of the view being advocated, what's controversial about it, and why it's appealing, in a punchy and fairly concise way

DON'T

"The Marriage of Rationalism and Empiricism: A New Approach to the Access Problem." <-- draws attention to question of whether dissertation does anything new in a defensive "protesting too much" way that invites a negative answer, compares self to William Blake and/or God.